Monday 24 February, 2020

Resolutions people quit before January ends

New Year, new me! … Check me in 2018.

Many people are failing miserably at keeping their 2017 new year’s resolutions. But some resolutions just get chucked to the side and dropped more quickly than others.

Here are some resolutions that don’t even last to see February.

No social media

“I will not go on Snap chat! I will not go on Facebook! I will not go on Twitter! I will not go on Instagram.” Pulls out phone as a girl falls on her face in the middle of town… “Wunna dat?!” Ooops…I was not supposed to snap.  

No bread

“Bread is the devil. I will stick to no bread. This pizza is delicious!” Wait, does pizza dough count? Ugh

No sugar

I will not be getting diabetes. Many people in my family have diabetes. That aint for me! “Sweet girl give me a cup hot chocolate, hold de sugar.” Cashier: “But de hot chocolate done got in sugar.” #GeezLouise

No cursing

“I will not curse. I will not curse! I will not curse!” Opens newspaper, “Who call dem transitory inconveniences? Who say potholes save lives? $%#@$%%##@” … “No mannnnnn” #LadyEssencevoice  

Discipline not punish

I will talk to my child and explain what he did wrong. Gets home and sees crayon on the living room wall, grabs belt and starts sharing lashes - “” (Every full stop is a lash.)

No fast food

What you mean the year starting with Wing Dings? 2018 will be my no fried foods year.

Gym life

I am all about gym flow. I got cute outfits and new sneakers. I will start next week. Wait, next week is the last week of January? I could as well start February 1. #Dontjudgeme

Fresh face

I ain’t buying makeup – no lashes, foundation, concealer, nothing. Hmmm…makeup expires? Can’t waste money, I’ll go makeup free when I run out of all I have. #Economic2017

Keeping my circle small

I am cutting off all negative people and things in my life. Don’t bring negative vibes. We done! … “Leff me, he apologised.” Or “You know I does gotta work wid she” sigh #Iwantedtocutthemoffbut

What did you say you would do this year and backslid on already?

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