Monday 24 February, 2020

#TBT 11 Things a Bajan grandmother yells while babysitting

Madea and Nikki (SOURCE: Internet image)

Madea and Nikki (SOURCE: Internet image)

"Sit down and keep yourself quiet!"

That one was for free.

Grandmothers, especially those born in the 1940s and before, may love their grandchildren but when they have to keep them, they really dust off the old reprimands and come out with a sharp tongue.

Your mother may be quick with a “you want something to cry for” but grannies are bosses and their phrases come like reflexes once you think to give trouble, furthermore if you dare to actually get into mischief.

Some of the old Bajan grand-grands had some sayings that to this day, if you’re walking past a home and you hear someone yell one of these, you know that is a real real, true true, old school granny or that the mother in the house was raised by one.

1. You have ears tuh hear?

This is a rhetorical question. This is not the time to show granny your two ears on the side of your head.

2. How much times I got to talk to you?

See number 1. This question does not require an answer, just go and keep quiet.

3. You caan keep quiet? OR Keep yuh tail quiet!

Pass your grandmother twice in a short space of time and believe you me, everybody in the neighbourhood gonna know that you can’t sit still for ‘no long time’.

4. Lil children have no right in big people business

When granny is talking to Ms. Harper from down the gap about Edna and Mavis, do not try to add to their conversation. Keep it moving.

5. Learn to take your place

When your mother and grandmother are speaking about you, they are not speaking TO you. See number 4. Keep out that conversation.

6. I don’t know part you mudda get you from OR Who mek you though?

If you do something that really baffles gran, she’ll even question your genetics.

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7. If I get up from here, it gine be one lash

Be scared from the time you hear that “If I get up from here…” sometimes it’s followed by “…and I find what I send you for where I tell you to look” you better go right back and look properly or prepare yourself from what’s coming.

8. Eff you feel I gine let wunna run my blood to water? Yuh lie

You may be out to give a lot of trouble but gran is not rising to the occasion. She has no plans of letting her grandchildren upset her. When you hear this cease and desist, or you may realize that whenever you want to go by gran, she’s busy with midweek service down at de church, even on a Friday evening. Pick sense from nonsense.

9. Less noise in hay

Every grandmother has her limit. ‘Dem is children and duh gine keep noise I know, but dem I cant keep all uh dem togedda. Send dem one at a time. Dem does keep tuh much kiss me tail noise between dem one unnedda.”

10. Don’t get up from dey till you eat dah food… Dat is all I got tuh tell you

Granny does not play when it comes to food, so eat or go sleep at the table, that is up to you.

But to know if granny has really had enough of you on a visit, wait for it…

11. Phone and see part you mudda is, cause duh like duh fuhget bout wunna

In Bajan grandmother, this means, “I love you, it’s been nice having you, but wunna gots to leff muh place!” See number 8.

What did your granny say when correcting you?

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